Brenda Hawkes
“My name is Brenda Hawkes and it is an honour to be working at The Vivian.
I was one of the fortunate women who made it out alive of the Downtown Eastside.
I ended up living on the streets with my 3 sons after my marriage broke up. My life was very similar to many of the women in the Downtown Eastside—the childhood abuse, the marital abuse—and it seemed the only escape was the drugs and the booze. I started using anything and everything when I was 12 years old and it continued until I was 47. My only break from the drugs when I lived on the street was when I went to prison. I did not access any shelter, when I did sleep it was usually in the park. I did whatever I needed to do to get drugs.
For about 8 years I existed day-to-day and most of the time I was so very tired of living, the only reason I wanted to live is for my sons. After about 5 years on the street, my son Colin decided that he did not want to live anymore so he took his own life. After this, I really did not care about life at all. I was overdosing at least twice a week, always to wake up in the hospital with one or both of my other sons standing over me. I felt lonely, desperate, hopeless and worthless. The last time I went to prison, something inside me changed. I wanted to live, and then my whole life turned around. From prison I went to a recovery house and stayed for 6 months. I then found a job as a dog groomer and worked there for 3 years. I got hooked up with a group of women working with sex trade workers at a drop-in. I worked there for 2 years, and then went to work at a transition house for women and children. But I knew where I needed to be and that was back on the Downtown Eastside. I found the Vivian, which was just opening, and knew this was the place. The Vivian reflected my beliefs and values.
I have been clean just over 6 years now and I am doing in my life what I want to do, not what I have to do. I still have 2 sons, whom I love with all my heart, living on the streets. I never give up hope that one day they will also find their purpose in life. I have my daughter in my life, whom I only met 2 years ago. We are now best friends.
The Vivian is a place that I might have accessed if it were available when I was living down here. The best way for me to describe how I feel about “the Viv” is it makes my heart sing. The women who live here are warm, dry, supported through anything and, most of all, SAFE. It is a pleasure and honour to be a part of The Vivian, a housing project that has been so desperately needed for so very long.
All my relations, Brenda Hawkes”
